Today there is concern...wrong word. Doubt? yes there is some of that. Wonder is appropriate...I wonder. At this crossroads _ I wonder. There are so many things going on.
Am I just being sensitive or am I missing some comfort that I need right now and I am finding it convenient to note that he is not there for me. Is it tranference from the marital thing that is dissolving yet leaving a precipitate that seems to cloud any new solution? Or am I finding him not available - on his own - to meet my desire for time with him?
I am rethinking my feelings of desire, of lust, of intense need for fulfillment, of sharing, of missing - him, kisses, time, laughter, sharing. I am reconsidering - as I sit here on a Saturday night having had no contact from him yet knowing he was networking socially. I would question being clingy had he not set the expectation that we would communicate. With that not happening...I retreat...and in fairness I will let him know that is what I am doing and why. If he is interested - let him come this way - let him coax me out of this shell...unless I have left it by the wayside. In the kisses, promises, touches, more promises...there is so much - today that is wondering...and he left me with vast time - no contact and left room for doubt.
